B-2
GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
JULY 8, 1994
1
FROM THE HART
Why should I tell everyone I'm gay?
Advice on love, relationships and other issues relevant to sexual minorities.
Dear Taylor,
by Taylor Hart
Could you please explain to me why so many gay people think it is important to "come out of the closet" and tell everyone that they are gay? I think that who I choose to have sex with is my own business and no one else's. Am I right or not? Why should I feel obligated to share my personal business with my straight friends and business associates? Straight people do not go around announcing their sexual orientation, so why should I?
Not in the Closet or in Public
Dear Not in the Closet, Before I address your questions I need to clarify one thing: Coming out does not necessarily mean announcing your sexual orientation to everyone you meet. For many people, coming out means self-acceptance of their homosexuality or bisexuality; informing other people of their sexual orientation in appropriate situations; and last, never denying or lying about their sexual orientation or pretending to be straight. This is the way that I, personally, choose to live.
Coming out can mean different things to different people. For some people, coming out means just acting on the knowledge that they are gay. For others it means seeking the company of other gay, lesbian or bisexual people, but not telling any heterosexuals about their sexual orientation. For many people, coming out means telling most people, but not everyone, especially at work or at school. And for a growing number of people, coming out means telling everyone with whom they have a personal relationship, including their professional relationships, that they are gay.
For the sake of this column I will presume that you are referring to the type of coming out I described in my last example.
I agree with you that with whom you choose to have sex is very much your own business. You do not owe anyone an explanation or details about your sex life. But for many gay people their sexual orientation, their gayness or lesbianism, is about much more than just their sexual activities. For many gay people their sexual orientation is also about the families they hope to create, the environments in which they choose to live, the places they choose to visit, the businesses they choose to seek employment, the politics they choose to support, as
well as their romantic, non-sexual feelings about people of their own gender. Though I, myself, am always a person first and a homosexual second (or third, or fourth, or fifth, etc.), I am always a homosexual and it does affect every aspect of my life. For many people the viewing of homosexuality just in terms of terms of sexual practices is far too limiting and unrealistic. With these people I agree.
port gay rights, have less fears about homosexuality and a greater understanding about what homosexuality is all about.
By coming out and being visible we create a truer image of who we really are and that we can be anyone. Homophobia is
Coming out and revealing our homosexuality to non-gay people is a very important educational tool. Many straight people falsely believe that they do not know any gays or lesbians.
Coming out and revealing our homosexuality to non-gay people is a very important educational tool. Many straight people falsely believe that they do not know any gays or lesbians. As gay people we know that we are everywhere, but because of our relative invisibility we allow ourselves to be overlooked, underestimated, disregarded and abused.
Research clearly shows that heterosexual people who know that they are acquainted with gay people are far more likely to sup-
Tiliane
... labelling Seems to be a big
based on fear and a lack of information. Through your coming out may not bring about support and acceptance from everyone, it is important to remember that change takes time and requires the education of everyone, one person at a time.
Coming out reveals our self acceptance. This is incredibly impor-
tant! No longer is our sexual orientation something that we whisper about in dark. Before we can expect the acceptance of anyone else, we must first accept ourselves. By revealing our homosexuality we can clearly tell the world that we feel good
say
...i love women, but i refuse to that "L-Word"
problem for
Sexual minorities:
...i'm a lesbian, not a woman. WOMAN is a patriarchal
Construction.
...i'm a butchy femme...
...i'm a dyke, but i do sometimes sleep with fags...
... i do think i'll stay with Anna for the rest of my life, but i feel my bisexuality
remains
an
integral part of my personality
about who are and that we bear no shame or self-loathing about our sexual orientation. Coming out helps us to be a more whole person, less fragmented. As I've said in past columns, the more of yourself that you reveal, the more there is to appreciate, respect and, hopefully, to love.
Living completely out of the closet is never easy, and is not for everyone. I believe in respecting an individual's right to decide on whether or not to come out and to what degree they choose to do so. Absolutely no one has the right, or adequate knowledge, to tell another person when, how, or to whom to come out. I strongly disapprove of 'outing' someone. With all the witchhunts homosexuals have had to endure, why inflict a witchhunt on ourselves? I strongly believe in the benefits of coming out and making ourselves more visible. I also strongly believe in personal freedom and an individual's right to make their own decisions without undue pressure from political activists. Coming out will not solve all of our problems, in fact it will create some new ones. That is the price of progress.
Send your questions to Taylor Hart, care of this newspaper.
... i sure as heck ain't 'queer!!! who's tryin' ta Call me queer'?!!
...
... dykes are not lesbians are not dykes.
... i'm married to a man, but i'm lesbian-
identified.
... Stay tuned for the "more-radicalthan-thou" wars!!
1995 Kanne franson
Dykes To Watch Out For
unminced words
FFF BO N-DWEE YA GAH!
REALLY!
I HAD NO IDEA!
ISN'T HIS BABBLING EXPRESSIVE? IT'S LIKE HE'S ACTUALLY SAYING SOMETHING!
WATCH
OUT. HE MIGHT GET ELECTED TO PUBLIC OFFICE.
AND WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH PUBLIC OFFICE, HARRIET?
I DIDN'T MEAN YOU AND THE CITY COUNCIL, ELLEN. I'M JUST DEPRESSED ABOUT THE STATE OF AMERICAN POLITICS IN GENERAL.
YEAH. CLINTON'S TURNING OUT TO BE A REAL DISAPPOINTMENT.
HEY, I'D RATHER BE DISAPPOINTED THAN FEARFUL FOR MY LIFE, LIKE I WAS UNDER REAGAN AND BUSH. WHAT GETS ME IS THE WAY THESE OBSESSIVE CONSERVATNES KEEP TRYING TO TRIP CLINTON UP. I MEAN, LET THE GUY DO HIS
JOB!
I THINK THEIR LITTLE TRICKS ARE BACKFIRING. TO MOST PEOPLE, IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THE WHITEWATER ALLEGATIONS AND THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT SUIT ARE POLITICALLY MOTIVATED. AND EVERYONE ELSE IS TOO JADED TO CARE IF BILL
FUCKS HIS CAT.
FUCKS!
(190)
CLINTON GRANTS MOST MATION
TATUS TO CHINA
SMITH
I GUESS PEOPLE CAN GRASP THE
CONCEPT BETTER IF YOU CALL IT
OF OPPRESSION.'
'STRESS' INSTEAD
GINGER, WILL YOU STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT? MY FLIGHT'S LEAVING SOON AND I WANT TO KNOW: ARE YOU COMENT TED TO THIS RELATION SHIP OR NOT?
MALIKA. THAT WOMAN MEANT NOTHING TO ME, OKAY? I WAS A STUPID LIFTLE FLING, AND I'M SORRY!
FINE! FORGET ABOUT HER!
WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS, I LOVE YOU AND I WANT US TO LIVE TOGETHER. IF YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME, I'VE GOTTA RETHINK MY PLANS.
CLINTON SIGNS
ABORTION
SSESS LAW
L-LIVE TOGETHER? JEEZ, BABE... YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT MY WORK IS TO ME RIGHT NOW. I'M TOTALLY WRAPPED UP IN MY DISSERTATION! COULDN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
WE DON'T HAVE TO. THAT'S ALL I NEED ED TO HEAR.
SWEETIE, ALL I MEANT WAS, I CAN'T MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO BECAUSE OF SCHOOL. AND YOU CAN'T MOVE HERE BECAUSE, UM, LIKE, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANY OF YOUR STUFF!
THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE. WALL DRAVING ME TO THE AIRPORT BE TOO MUCH STRESS FOR YOU OR SHOULD I TAKE THE BUS?
1994 BY ALISON BECHDEL
DO YOU WANT THE HONOR OF RECORDING THAT UNDER "BABY'S FIRST WORD," OR
SHALL I?
MEANWHILE, MALIKA'S VISIT DRAINS TO A CLOSE... HERE'S A NEWS FLASH." A RECENT STUDY SHOWS AFRICAN AMERICAN GAY MEN AND WOMEN HAVE SUBSTANTIALLY HIGHER LEVELS OF CHRONIC STRESS THAN HETEROSEXUAL BLACKS AND WHITES, AND LESBIAN AFRICAN AMERICANS SUFFER FROM MORE STRESS THAN THEIR GAY COUNTERPARTS